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Post by upriverbright on Sept 16, 2003 0:04:43 GMT -5
nice ;D
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Post by coldasice97141 on Sept 16, 2003 23:32:21 GMT -5
those are some of the best I have heard in a long time!!!!
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Post by coldasice97141 on Sept 16, 2003 23:37:44 GMT -5
well, I this isn't a joke but it sure is cute!!!! We have an 8 month old black lab that we brought home when she was 4 weeks old. She has a big cedar bed with sheepskin lining on it, we discovered not to long ago that for some reason it was wet, and we could hear what sound like a sucking noise at night. Well, come to find out that Mia, the lab, had been nursing on her bed at night to help her sleep. We started watching her and she would be neading her bed with her feet while she sucked on her bed. Is that too cute or what!!!!! Now she does it where ever she sleeps!!!!
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Post by KingFisher85 on Sept 24, 2003 21:20:21 GMT -5
Management At Its Best
A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business! The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?" Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week." "Why?" The CEO then hands the guy $300 in cash and screams, "Here's your week's pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!" Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?" With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "He was the pizza delivery
guy from Domino's."
If ever there were a time that I was a pizza delivery person...
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Post by upriverbright on Sept 25, 2003 20:43:43 GMT -5
> Crotch Shot!
>
> Two women are playing golf on a sunny afternoon when one of them
> slices her shot into a foursome of men.
>
> To her horror, one of the men collapses in agony with both hands in his
> crotch. She runs to him apologizing profusely, explaining that she is a
> physical therapist and can help ease his pain.
>
> "No thanks... just give me a few minutes... I'll be fine..." he replies
> quietly with his hands still between his legs.
>
> Taking it upon herself to help the poor man, she gently undoes the front
> of his pant and starts massaging his genitals.
>
> "Doesn't that feel better?" she asks.
>
> "Well... yes... That feels pretty good," he admits. "But my thumb still
> hurts like hell!"
>
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Post by coldasice97141 on Sept 25, 2003 22:13:49 GMT -5
omg!!!!! what a day for that golfer!!!!!!
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Post by KingFisher85 on Sept 26, 2003 1:58:04 GMT -5
LOL HAHAHA ;D Good one!!!
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Post by schoonergirl on Sept 26, 2003 8:19:56 GMT -5
I thought this was funny and gross.
>Subject: FW: Bedtime Games-something to look forward to.....
The old folks no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and Says, "Seven Points," his wife rolls over and says, "what in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football."
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says" Touchdown, tie score." After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and
says, "Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7."
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score." Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14."
Now the pressures on the old man. He refuses to get beat by a woman,so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.
The wife says, "What was that?"
The old man says, "Half time, switch sides."
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Post by upriverbright on Sept 26, 2003 9:29:03 GMT -5
ewwwwwwww. but funny lmao
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Post by coldasice97141 on Sept 26, 2003 23:26:49 GMT -5
Thats gross, glad I don't have to clean up after them!!!!  |
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Post by KingFisher85 on Sept 28, 2003 21:00:50 GMT -5
A Seattle Blonde Joke
A blonde was feeling so depressed that she decided to end her life
by throwing herself into Puget Sound.
She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid
water
when a handsome young sailor saw her teetering on the edge of the
pier, crying.
He took pity on her and said, "Listen, you've got a lot to live
for."
"I'm off to Europe in the morning and if you like, I can stow you
away on
my ship."
"I'll take good care of you, and bring you food every day."
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added with
a wink, "And I'll make you happy, and you can make ME happy." The girl
nodded yes through her tears. After all, what did she have to lose?
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat,
along with blankets and food. From then on, every night he brought
her sandwiches, water, wine and fruit and they would make mad,passionate love
until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered
by the Captain. "What the hell are you doing here?" the Captain demanded angrily.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get free food and a trip to Europe. Meanwhile (she says coyly), he's
taking 'advantage of me' so to speak." (wink, wink)
"He sure IS, lady," the Captain said.
"This is the Bremerton ferry!" ;D
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Post by KingFisher85 on Sept 28, 2003 23:16:32 GMT -5
Recently,
When I went to McDonald's , I saw on the menu that you could have an order of - 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.
"You don't?" I replied.
"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.
"So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right."Said the teenager !
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
;D
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Post by coldasice97141 on Sept 29, 2003 0:03:59 GMT -5
I CAN TELL HOW A MAN MAKES LOVE....
John and Jill were about to go into his apartment,
and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait
a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how
he unlocks his door."
John says, "Well, give me some examples."
Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is,
if a guy shoves his key into the lock, and opens
the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover
and that isn't for me."
"The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't
seem to find the hole, then that means he is
inexperienced and that isn't for me either."
Then Jill said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?"
John proceeds to say, "Well, first, before I do
anything else, I lick the lock."
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Post by KingFisher85 on Sept 29, 2003 0:12:39 GMT -5
LOL ;D
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Post by coldasice97141 on Sept 29, 2003 0:23:17 GMT -5
IGNORANT VIRGINS.....
A young virgin couple are finally wed. Each one
is nervous about the impending night, but neither
are willing to admit or ask each other about it.
Wondering what to do first, the young man calls
his father.
"Pop, what do I do first?"
"Get naked and climb into bed," his father replies.
So, the young man does as he is advised. The girl
is mortified and calls her mama.
"Get naked and join him," is the advice from mama,
so she complies. After laying there for a few
moments, the young man excuses himself and calls
his dad again.
"What do I do?" he asks.
His father replies, "Look at her naked body. Then,
take the hardest part of your body and put it where
she pees!" is the dad's advice. A few moments later,
the girl again calls her mama. "What do I do now?"
she asks.
"Well, what is he doing?" mama asks. "He's in the
bathroom, dunking his head in the toilet!"
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