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Post by KingFisher85 on Apr 27, 2003 0:47:15 GMT -5
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Post by Bankbound on Apr 27, 2003 23:09:15 GMT -5
Come on and get in the house ladies!! Come on and get in the house girls, girls!! Too funny MH.
MH
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Post by KingFisher85 on Apr 29, 2003 0:13:30 GMT -5
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Post by KingFisher85 on Apr 29, 2003 0:20:07 GMT -5
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Post by upriverbright on Apr 29, 2003 14:05:49 GMT -5
very funny stuff get more ;D
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Post by Bunnell on Apr 29, 2003 15:40:38 GMT -5
Great stuff---You wont see anywhere else
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Post by Bankbound on Apr 30, 2003 13:47:34 GMT -5
That second one was way funny!!
00:05:12!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;D
However I could have lived my whole life without seeing the first one and died a happy man.
MH
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Post by tilla on May 3, 2003 21:21:12 GMT -5
Gotta watch Kingfisher, he got me hooked on the Kenai river fishing game, of course my wife put the clinic on when she discovered it.  |
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Post by KingFisher85 on May 8, 2003 21:26:42 GMT -5
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Post by KingFisher85 on May 10, 2003 2:18:29 GMT -5
Seen this on PP
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
> > >
> > > GEORGE W BUSH
> > > We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want
> to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The
chicken
> is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.
And frankly,
I am sick and tired of the chicken.
> > >
> > > COLIN POWELL
> > > Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite
image of the chicken crossing the road.
> > >
> > > HANS BLIX
> > > We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet
been
> > > allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
> > >
> > > MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq Ambassador)
> > > The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete
fabrication.We
> > > do not even have a chicken.
> > >
> > > RALPH NADER
> > > The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had been
polluted by
> > > unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the
unspoiled
> > > habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the
wheels of a
> > > gas-guzzling SUV.
> > >
> > > PAT BUCHANAN
> > > To steal the job of a decent, hard-working American.
> > >
> > > RUSH LIMBAUGH
> > > I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was
> > > getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet that
somebody out
> there is already forming a support group to help chickens with
> crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more
of this can real
> > > Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax
dollars.
And when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the
> > > government took from you to build a road for chickens to cross.
> > >
> > > MARTHA STEWART
> > > No-one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I
had a
> > > standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the
price
> > > dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.
> > >
> > > JERRY FALWELL
> > > Because the chicken was gay---isn't it obvious? Can't you people
see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going
to the
> 'other side'. That's what they call it the other side. Yes, my
friends,
> that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become
gay too.
> I say we Boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination
that
> the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like
"the
> > > other side".
> > >
> > > DR SEUSS
> > > Did the chicken cross the road?
> > > Did he cross it with a toad?
> > > Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
> > > but why it crossed I've not been told.
> > >
> > > ERNEST HEMINGWAY
> > > To die in the rain. Alone.
> > >
> > > MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR
> > > I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
> > > without having their motives called into question.
> > >
> > > GRANDPA
> > > In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody
> > > told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
> > >
> > > BARBARA WALTERS
> > > Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to
the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of
how it
> > > experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish
its
> > > life long dream of crossing the road.
> > >
> > > JOHN LENNON
> > > Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in
> > > peace.
> > >
> > > ARISTOTLE
> > > It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
> > >
> > > KARL MARX
> > > It was an historic inevitability.
> > >
> > > RONALD REAGAN
> > > What chicken?
> > >
> > > CAPTAIN KIRK
> > > To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before.
> > >
> > > SIGMUND FREUD
> > > The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the
> road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
> > >
> > > BILL GATES
> > > I have just witnessed eChicken2003, which will not only cross
roads,
> but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
> > > checkbook, -and internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken.
> > >
> > > ALBERT EINSTEIN
> > > Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath
> the chicken?
> > >
> > > BILL CLINTON
> > > I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your
definition
> of chicken?
> > >
> > > DR. PHIL
> > > He crossed with eyes wide open.
> > >
> > > THE BIBLE
> > > And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken THOU
SHALT
> > > CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken didst cross the road, and there
was
> > > much rejoicing.
> > >
> > > COLONEL SANDERS
> > > Did I miss one?
> > >
> > > THE FRENCH
> > > To Surrender?
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Post by KingFisher85 on May 22, 2003 1:04:00 GMT -5
GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU SMILE.....ESPECIALLY SINCE IT'S A TRUE STORY.
ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON.
HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON, "THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND,"
WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS.
BUT JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK "GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY."
MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGH IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME RIVAL SOVIET COSMONAUT. HOWEVER, UPON
CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS.
OVER THE YEARS MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE "GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY" STATEMENT MEANT, BUT
ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED.
ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA, WHILE ANSWERING QUESTIONS FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD QUESTION TO ARMSTRONG.
THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED. MR. GORSKY HAD DIED, SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD ANSWER THE QUESTION.
IN 1938 WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MIDWEST TOWN, HE WAS PLAYING BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD. HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD BY THE BEDROOM WINDOWS. HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY. AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK
UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY.
"SEX! YOU WANT SEX?! YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!"
TRUE STORY.
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Post by KingFisher85 on May 22, 2003 8:16:43 GMT -5
Subject: Can't fool a wife
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the boys". I told my wife that I would be home by midnight ... promise!
Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy.
At around 2:30 am, drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in he door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having a quick witty solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her twelve o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one!
She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said"oh @#%$", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat,
cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted.
;D
Two couples were playing cards one evening.
John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down
under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife Sue, legs
spread wide, wasn't wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John upon
trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged
red-faced.
Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife
followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"
Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well, indeed
he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."
After taking a minute or two to assess the financial as well as the
moral costs of this offer, John indicates that he is indeed interested.
She tells him that since her husband, Bill, works Friday afternoons and
John doesn't, that John should be at her house around 2.00 Friday
afternoon.
When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house for the
planned time with Sue at 2:00 PM sharp and after paying her the agreed
sum of $500, they went to the bedroom and closed their sexual
transaction as Sue had promised.
Afterwards, John quickly dressed and left.
As usual, Bill came home from work at 6:00 PM and entered the house,
asking his wife abruptly, "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"
A little worried, Bill's wife answered, "Why yes, he did stop by for a
few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her
husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?"
In terror, she assumed that somehow he had found out, and after
mustering up her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did
give me $500."
Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying,
"Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and
borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this
afternoon on his way home and pay me back."
NOW THAT'S A POKER PLAYER! ! !
;D
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Post by KingFisher85 on Jun 15, 2003 15:37:26 GMT -5
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know.
Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
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Post by fisherman357 on Jun 16, 2003 15:00:15 GMT -5
i want to play the kenai fishin game??? how do i do it mike?  |
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Post by KingFisher85 on Jun 20, 2003 16:14:20 GMT -5
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