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Post by KingFisher85 on Dec 14, 2003 19:40:10 GMT -5
oh gosh them are funny ;D
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Post by upriverbright on Dec 15, 2003 11:19:30 GMT -5
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Post by McIrish on Dec 15, 2003 11:39:21 GMT -5
OMG!!! That's too funny! ;D
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Post by schoonergirl on Dec 15, 2003 12:07:46 GMT -5
OMG! I agree, laughing my butt off. ;D
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Post by coldasice97141 on Dec 16, 2003 1:29:47 GMT -5
I love it!!!! ;D
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Post by schoonergirl on Dec 22, 2003 13:25:43 GMT -5
A blonde's car breaks down on the Interstate one day.
: So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road.
: She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.
: Out of the trunk jump two men in trench coats who walk to
: the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming
: traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing their
: nude bodies to approaching drivers...
: Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in history of this
: highway occurs.
: It's not very long before a police car shows up.
: The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the blonde of the
: disabled vehicle yelling, "What the heck is going on here?"
: "My car broke down," says the lady calmly.
: "Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?!"
: asks the cop.
: And she said..
:
: "Those are my emergency flashers!"
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Post by upriverbright on Dec 30, 2003 2:29:39 GMT -5
When you go fishing and you catch something, that's good. If you're making love and you catch something, that's bad.
Fish don't compare you to other fishermen neither and don't want to know how many other fish you caught.
In fishing you lie about the one that got away. In loving you lie about the one you caught.
You can catch and release a fish, you don't have to lie and promise to still be friends after you let it go.
You don't have to necessarily change your line to keep catching fish.
You can catch a fish on a 20-cent nightcrawler. If you want to catch a woman you're talking dinner and a movie minimum.
Fish don't mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.
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Post by upriverbright on Dec 30, 2003 2:30:34 GMT -5
The Top Ten Signs That You're Being Stalked By A Leprechaun
Generic-looking green van parked across the street with Notre Dame bumper sticker.
Every time you turn around the pitter-pattering stops and that green fire hydrant seems to have gotten a little closer.
Green lipstick marks on the butt of your Dockers.
You're being followed by a large woman with a sultry voice and a dying career. (Oops! That's a sign you're being stalked by Chaka Khan.)
You don't recall owning an anatomically correct lawn gnome.
Card delivered with the bouquet of 4-leaf clovers reads, "I bet you're magically delicious!"
When you come home from work, the potatoes are missing from the cupboard and your parrot is singing "Danny Boy."
Prank caller has a really corny Irish accent, and Richard Gere has an airtight alibi.
Those tiny green hairs on your toilet seat.
Sultry voice from shower soap dish asks, "Is that your shillelagh, or are you just happy to see me?"
Pink hearts, yellow moons, blue diamonds scratched on your car at knee-level, and Ross Perot is nowhere to be found.
Them little green pellets in the litter box ain't M&M's, Chester.
Every day this week you've noticed the same buckle shoes dangling just above the floor in the stall next to you.
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Post by upriverbright on Dec 30, 2003 2:38:21 GMT -5
Two leprochans have a bet. To settle their bet, they take it to a convent. Mother Suprior answers the door, and says "Oh my goodness! Its a leprochan!"
The firt Leprochan replies, "Take it easy sister, I only wanna ask you a qustion. Are there any nuns in your convent that are my size?"
"No, little man, there is no nuns in my convent that are your size."
"Alright then. Are there any nuns in all of Ireland, that are my size?"
"No, little man, there are no nuns in all of Ireland that are your size."
"Alright then. One more question: Are there any nuns in all of the world, that are my size?"
"No, little man, I am quite sure there are no nuns in all of the word that are your size!"
"Okay then." The second leprochan starts laughing his ass off. But through the laughter, he manages to say "You see, i told you had fun with a penguin!"
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Post by coldasice97141 on Dec 30, 2003 21:38:44 GMT -5
;D ;D ;D ;D ;Dlmao ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by schoonergirl on Dec 31, 2003 9:39:44 GMT -5
LOL!!!!! ;D
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Post by Ink-Fish on Dec 31, 2003 12:05:05 GMT -5
With all these leprechaun jokes here, someone should get Meg to post one of our wedding pictures.
There was a leprechaun in front of Fitzgeralds that was about 18-20' tall, we jumped outta the limo and got our picture taken. I have one on my desk at work, but no scanner.
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Post by coldasice97141 on Jan 7, 2004 1:49:44 GMT -5
YOU KNOW YOU ARE OLD WHEN...
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1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those d**n kids
next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the
beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset,
rather than settle your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid,
not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never
going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is
for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that
doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt..
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Post by McIrish on Jan 7, 2004 11:34:58 GMT -5
So true  |
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Post by schoonergirl on Jan 7, 2004 12:20:37 GMT -5
OK, so true so true. I can really relate to #'s 4,8,11,15 most definitely to 22, 23 and the 24 has always been true   |
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